Nikki Hiltz’s goal was to make the finals of the World Athletics Championships. When they did, in 2019, it should have been a time of pure celebration. Instead they experienced the depression of wondering, “Now what?” They realized that to remain motivated in the sport, racing had to be about more than personal victories. The next year they started the Pride 5K, a virtual race where people can celebrate pride and support queer youth, and that raises funds for The Trevor Project.
Listen to the Running for Real podcast here:
Apple (iTunes) Podcast | Sticher | Castbox | Overcast | Spotify | Google Play | iHeartradio |
Nikki wants everyone to be able to experience the joy of running that they do. “It’s what originally brought me to the sport and made me fall in love with it,” they recall. “It was just, you know, being a kid, like, ‘I’ll race you from here to that trash can,’ or whatever. It’s just so innocent and pure, and then also so competitive. It kind of recenters me to go back to my inner child. I know it’s a buzzword, but it’s so important to just kind of tap into your inner child. I genuinely feel like we are most ourselves when we’re young, and then the world or whatever else messes us up along the way, and it’s all about trying to get back to that pure, young, child-like self.”
Of course, as a professional, running isn’t all “sunshine and rainbows.” “There is stress and pressure and all that stuff, especially when you’re in a race,” Nikki acknowledges. “But this is something I’ve been working on recently, looking at races as opportunities. I get really excited and sometimes that excitement goes a little bit overboard and turns into nerves and it’s like, ‘Okay, the nerves are good. The excitement is good, but leave the outcome at home.’ You don’t need that; it’s about the opportunity, what could happen and focusing on things that I love.”
It helps that competition is one of the things that Nikki loves. “I’m competitive in whatever I do. If we’re playing a board game, I’m like, ‘I’m going to win or I wanna win,’ and I’m crushed if I don’t. Whatever I’m doing, I wanna be the best at it.” Despite their personal drive to win, competition is the least important aspect of the race that they founded, the Pride 5K. “The Pride 5K is so much about community and just coming together and sharing this experience of running, and no part of that is really competitive. The Pride 5K is technically a race, but the whole point is just to get people to show up and run a 5K to raise money for this incredible organization and help LGBTQ youth feel seen. We’re just going on a run to form community and have these connections. And then my job is like, I want to beat everyone and I’m very competitive.”
Nikki believes that having that separation in their life helps them to be balanced as an athlete and as a person. “As soon as I cross the finish line, I’m all about being friends with my competitors and forming community. I’m all about the community of professional runners. At the end of the day, those are really good relationships and really cherished friends because they’re the only people in the world that understand what I do every day, because they do it too.”
Those friendships have meant that Nikki has never experienced any negative reactions to their advocacy or to coming out as transgender and non-binary from their competitors. “If anything, it’s the opposite,” they say. “All the ignorance and hate that I’ve gotten is from complete, total strangers online, never from the people that matter in my life.”
Besides being in the public eye, as a professional athlete, Nikki faces additional challenges that other transgender people don’t. “Obviously, I’m a huge advocate for representation, and I think seeing yourself in someone else is huge when it comes to believing in yourself, and having the confidence to show up as yourself, and all the good things that come from representation. But sometimes I see trans people on their transition journey, like getting gender-affirming care or starting hormone therapy and things like that, and I feel like my sport is at odds with my identity, because I would love to do those things. But I’m not gonna take testosterone, start hormone therapy until I’ve closed this chapter of my elite running career. I do think that I want top surgery, but that’s probably five to ten weeks of no running. I kind of have to be like, ‘Okay, is that worth it to lose x amount of months of training to be affirmed in my gender more? Is that gonna maybe hurt me more than help me because I’m maybe gonna experience even more hate or push back because of that?’ And so it’s just hard seeing these trans, these non-binary people who are getting these surgeries or hormone therapy. That’s a part of my life that I really want. But I think I have to put that on hold for right now, while I chase this first dream.”
Nikki hopes that other progress will come sooner. They’d like to see a non-binary division in more races. When they ran the New York City Mile, which does offer that category, “It was really cool. I can feel alone a lot of the time in, you know, being the only or the first, and it just made me feel so much less alone.”
Most of all, they want everyone to feel welcome in the running space and to have the opportunity to benefit from it as they have. “Running is my job, but it’s also my safe space, and where I can do the most self reflection or inner work is a solo run. It allows me to feel very at peace and also very seen, and I think that that’s really important. I think running is a place for everyone and I would love to see more people bring that energy and inclusion to the sport.”
resources:
Thank you to Örlö, Tracksmith, and Athletic Greens for sponsoring this episode.
Örlö is the world’s most sustainable algae supplement. Algae is a potent source of EPA and DHA, the omega-3 fatty acids that are essential to life. They help you take care of your brain health, heart health, and immune system, and your body absorbs them three times better than fish oil. They also don’t have that fishy aftertaste!
Örlö’s algae is grown in pristine water in Iceland using only green energy and they employ a carbon-negative production process. 99% less land and water resources are used, so you get 100% of the benefit with 0% of the guilt!
You can go here and use code TINA at checkout to save 20%!
Tracksmith is an independent running brand inspired by a deep love of the sport. For years the brand has elevated running wear using best-in-class materials and timeless silhouettes that perform at the highest level and can be worn everyday, not just for running.
Tracksmith helps the environment by making comfortable, durable clothes that will last for years, rather than winding up in the landfill, but that’s not the only contribution they make. They supported Running for Real in creating our RED-S: Realize. Reflect. Recover program. They help athletes who are trying to make the Olympic trials, and they offer scholarships for creatives to work on their crafts. They also have lots of events – Tina will be hosting events with them at the Boston and London marathons.
If you’re a new customer, go here and use the code TINANEW at checkout to get $15 off your order of $75 or more. Returning customers can use the code TINAGIVE, and Tracksmith will give you free shipping and donate 5% of your order to TrackGirlz.
Athletic Greens has created a movement around simplifying our health routine. AG1 is an easy way to get 75 vitamins, minerals, and whole food source ingredients. It promotes gut health with prebiotics, probiotics, and naturally occurring enzymes; supports your immune system with Vitamin C, zinc, healing mushrooms, and more; provides magnesium to boost energy; and it’s packed with superfoods, adaptogens, and antioxidants to help recovery. It’s simple to make and it tastes good!
Just one scoop in a glass of water in the morning will ensure that even if your diet is less than ideal the rest of the day, you’ve gotten the nutrients you need. Go here to subscribe and you’ll get five free travel packs of AG1, and a free one year’s supply of vitamin D3+K2 with your subscription!
Thanks for listening!
If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, Stitcher, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts. And if you enjoy Running for Real, please leave us a review!
Keep up with what’s going on at Running for Real by signing up for our weekly newsletter.
Join the newsletter
This is not your usual email newsletter. With Tina’s personal reflections and recommendations, suggestions of things to do, thoughts to contemplate, and some updates, this newsletter is one that you’ll WANT to read, not hit “delete” as soon as you see it.
Follow Tina on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. You’ll find Running for Real on Instagram too!
Want to be a member of the Running for Real community? Join #Running4Real Superstars on Facebook!
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for additional content, including our RED-S: Realize. Reflect. Recover series of 50+ videos.
Thank you for your support – we appreciate each and every one of you!
